Where Do They Find ...

Have you ever been watching one of those decorating shows on HGTV or TLC and they show you the designer going to all these great antique shows or flea markets or great second hand consignment shops? Well, I was watching one of my new favorite shows Sarah's House and she always finds the greatest antique/flea markets. How do Sarah and her assistant Tommy (aside: I love Tommy. He is so funny.) find these places and can they tell me where to find one in my area? On all these shows they always find these terrific items for pennies. Lets see, the last few things Sarah has found include a gorgeous four poster bed (wouldn't go with my house, but it was beautiful and fit perfectly on the farmhouse she was renovating) and hand quilted antique bedspread. They found a dining table and in passing I saw some random person who happened to be in the background find the perfect dresser that would have looked terrific in my stair vestibule. It was just the piece that I have been looking for for the past year. Oh my, I wanted that piece.

All the flea markets and such that I have found in my area, are really just junk sales or professionals trying to sell t-shirts and mass produced items. They are nowhere near the quality of the sales that you see on these shows. And I know that you need to wade through a lot of junk to just find the diamond among all the zirconia, but really, these places near me are more cheap clothing and such and not old furniture pieces.

Hey Sarah, can you find me some great flea markets in California?

Decorating My House

About a year ago we finished the remodel on our house. What started out as a kitchen remodel (the house had a tiny 9x9ish kitchen) ended up as a whole house remodel. In the end there were only 4 rooms in the whole house that weren't extensively remodeled (and event those got all new windows and trim to match the rest of the house and the upstairs hall bathroom is slated for a remodel within the next year). The upside to all this is that we now have the house of our dreams that we hope to be in for at least the next 20 years.

This also meant that I get to redecorate almost an entire house. It is still a work in progress and there are a lot of things that I still want to do, but for the most part I am happy with the way the house is coming along. I hope to do a series of entries about decorating the house and how I chose where to splurge and where to bargain shop.

So where do I invest? Like in building the house, I spend the money on the parts that will be touched and used every day. In a house this is on the doorknobs and pulls, the light switches, and the appliances. For decorating this is in the big upholstered pieces and the main eating area chairs and tables.

It is in the accessories that I save. My biggest source of great accessories at super cheap prices is TJMaxx/HomeGoods. I love HomeGoods. My biggest finds there are pottery and vases and table lamps. When I post about my bedroom you'll see what I mean.

So, over the next few weeks, I'm going to go room by room and talk about how I've decorated, what I like and dislike so far, and what I am still looking to do. There are a lot of places where I haven't found just the right thing yet, but I am always looking. One thing that I stress when decorating, is to take your time. Nothing (except maybe a bed) is needed right away. Wait until you find that perfect piece of art or just the right table. It is ok if your space has an empty wall for a while. But at the same time, be ready to make the purchase when you find just the right piece.

I Love Decorating Shows

I love to decorate my house and get inspiration everywhere. I love watching decorating shows on HGTV and reading decorating blogs here on the web. Some of my favorite blogs are Thrifty Decor Chick and Nesting Place. Some of my favorite HGTV shows are Devine Design, Color Splash, and Design Star. This blog post is going to be mostly about this season of Design Star (I'll post more about my decorating and inspirations and such later).

I wasn't even going to watch Design Star this season after the debacle that was Antonio last season. He did not deserve to win. Especially given his final challenge. It was just so horrible that I couldn't believe he won. It really made me question the design taste of the judges. I was so upset that I was ready to give up on Devine Design also because I had lost all faith in Candace Olson. But, then I thought that the only way that Antonio could win was because the powers that be wanted him to win and so pressured the judges to pick him (at least that is how I am rationalizing the judges totally wrong choice to myself).

But anyway, I never told the DVR to not record Design Star so it started recording it this season and I took a chance and started watching it again. I have to say, that I don't think that this crop of contestants is as talented as the ones on the previous seasons. I have not been impressed with any of their designs yet.

But what I really have a problem with is the format of the show and the way the judges are very mean this season. I know that they need to make sure that they choose someone who can handle a show of their own, but I think none of them realize the almost impossible tasks they are giving the contestants. How good of a design could they come up with and implement in just two to three days. The logistics are almost impossible -- come up with a design, order and receive the furniture you need within a day, paint and do carpentry (all by yourselves not with a crew and carpenter to help), and then put the whole thing together in a total of 2-3 days. I mean really, when have any of the three judges (Genevieve, Vern, or Candace) ever done this themselves, and then they are commenting on when things aren't perfect. Candace has never to my knowledge done something like this with these constraints. Even Vern and Genevieve when they were on Trading Spaces had a plan before they went in, had chosen most of the furniture beforehand, had design drawings of builds and carpenters to build everything, and then had 2 days to simply implement things. So, what they are asking these contestants to do is really, very very different and much harder.

How would I change things? I want to know that the judges can do what they are asking the contestants to do. Let's see them tackle at least some of the challenges like the contestants do. Another thing I would like to see is the judges fix a design when they don't like it. For instance, this past week the challenge was to design a space for a New York fire station. The judges ripped one of the teams to shreds. I have to say, that I agreed with much of what they said about the design and would certainly concede that the part that I disagreed with may have looked much different in person than it did on tv. However, what would have made the show really interesting would have been to see the three judges go in to this space and fix it. They could have been given the same time frame and redesigned the space (especially since this was for real clients who are so very deserving). Now THAT I would have loved to see. Hey, HGTV -- just think about this idea!

Parents and Happiness

I read an interesting article on parents and happiness yesterday. Basically it stated that people with kids are less happy that childless people. It also claimed that people with kids will deny this and say that these types of studies (although there have been many that have come up with the same results) are wrong. After reading the article I can understand how and why the results of these studies say that parents are more unhappy than non-parents. But I am not sure that I agree with their definition of happy (and much to my surprise the author of this article also pointed out this possibility).

If happiness is defined as doing what you want whenever you want, then of course people who don't have children are going to be considered happier. When you are a parent your focus shifts from yourself to your children. You tend to do for them rather than for yourself. Especially when they are young, they aren't able to take care of themselves. In those early years it is a parents job to teach them how to be self sufficient, how to care about other people, basically how to be a productive member of society. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that in the moment happiness is put off for parents.

Modern society has also made it more likely that today's parents are less happy, especially mothers. Today, if you aren't out in the workforce, people look down on you. They give lip service to how great it is that you are staying at home to care for your child, but then in the same sentence they ask if you are going back to work once the kids are in school. That's quite the mixed message. Today when a woman chooses not to work she is looked at as if something is wrong with her. As a woman with a PhD in Computer Science I have heard countless times how I am letting women down by not working. How it is my duty to go out and get a job or I am setting women back everywhere. My reply to this is that, in fact I am advancing women because I am making a choice and not being forced to do what I don't want to do. Women fought to have the choices they have today, they didn't fight to be forced to work.

I also think parents today often think they have to be perfect. They are pressured into signing their kids up for every activity that comes along or else they are told that they are putting their kids at a disadvantage for future success. On countless message boards moms and dads are discussing getting personal trainers and signing their kids up for private lessons so that they can get a scholarship to college (and these are 6 and 7 year old kids we are talking about). No wonder parents say they are unhappy. They are taking all the pressure for getting their 6 year old into college.
It isn't their job or even possible for them to get their child into college. A parent's job is to help their children grow and learn. It is to teach them how to become self sufficient and to give them the tools they will need to make their own life choices whether that be to attend college, go into the military, or learn a trade skill. Of course all parents have dreams and hopes for their kids (I hope mine will choose to attend college and I will and do encourage them in this direction), but ultimately it is up to the child what they do with their life. All I can do is give my kids the tools to make the best decisions for themselves.

People are so worried about little Johnny getting a football scholarship. I mean really no one can tell at 7 if a kid is going to be good enough to get a scholarship. And besides, if Johnny is really that athletically inclined it isn't going to matter if he doesn't get a personal trainer now. A person who is that good is going to be that good no matter what (if they decide that is what they want to do).

As parents we need to let kids be kids, like our parents did. Our parents didn't feel the need to entertain us every waking hour. They said "go outside and play" or "you have toys, go play with them" or "go read a book." My mom wasn't my playmate (don't get me wrong she certainly played with us), she was my mom.

I think parenting isn't about being happy all the time. It is about becoming a more complete person; perhaps even a better person. It forces you to be a more selfless person and to realize that sometimes you need to put someone else above yourself. For me, I believe that I have a better, more fulfilling life, as a mother. When I stop and really think about my life and what I want, I realize that I have exactly what I want and that makes me happy. But when I get caught up in outside views (or I am in the middle of handling a sick kid) then I start to question myself. So really, parenting is teaching me how to be a more confident person. It is teaching me how to be a more fulfilled, well rounded, happier person.

About Being a Mom and Life Goals

I’ve been a mom for a while now and I really love it. I would never change the decision we made for me to leave the workforce. I truly feel there is nothing as important for our family and our boys than for me to be here for them. But sometimes I worry about what they are going to think of me as they are growing up. And sometimes I think that I spent over 23 years going to school and got my PhD in Computer Science and now I am a "stay at home mom". I question if I wasted all that time. Luckily, in my chosen field, I didn’t go into debt with all my schooling. I was lucky and all my graduate schooling was paid for by the institution I went to plus I was salaried as a teaching assistant and then as a research assistant. I will always be proud of accomplishing my PhD and of the research I did for my PhD. There are days when I would like to continue my research in automatic computer generated information representation. I loved the work and really feel that I contributed to the field. At the same time, I feel like all my work and schooling is allowing me to be a better mother to my two wonderful boys. I have a breath and depth of knowledge that will help me raise them and help them throughout their lives. I will always be able to help them with their homework. I don’t have to worry about them outpacing me by the time they are in fourth grade. It will sound selfish, but I don’t want my boys to look at me like “why don’t you do anything?” or to not realize that I am a very intelligent, smart woman who made the choice to stay home and put all my intelligence into raising two boys to become happy, productive, terrific men.

I get this question a lot: “Are you going to go back to work after the boys are in school?” Of course, I could go back to work. I have the intelligence and the credentials. But do I want to? At this point, my gut feeling is not full time. Yes, I will need something to take up some of those hours when the boys are in school, but I feel that it may be even more important for me to be home for them then than it is now. Once they are in school, they will be subject to much more peer pressure and peer interaction than they are now. We all know that learning to deal with peers without Mommy or Daddy around is very important. But how do they learn how to deal with those situations if they can’t come home and talk to us about that. I don’t know about everyone else, but I was much more likely to talk to mom right when I got home from school (when things were fresh in my mind) than hours later. There will be so many new issues for the boys to deal with, things that are much more emotionally complicated than there are now, and I just feel like it will be invaluable to them to have me at home when they get home. Or even to have me at home if they accidentally forget a piece of important homework or the field trip form. And I think about puberty; all those changes, both physically and emotionally. I know that when I was growing up, it was extremely nice to know that mom was at home and would always be there if I needed her. I want to give that same feeling to my boys. Also, I believe that if a parent is at home that kids are less likely to get into trouble after school. And there are so many things these days for kids to get into and ways for kids to get themselves in trouble I want to do everything I can to help them through those troubling and confusing years. For us that includes having a parent at home.

So, what will I do with those free hours. Right now I volunteer as a tutor one morning a week while my husband stays home with the boys (more on how this benefits our family later). I would really like to do this more once the boys are in school. Right now I tutor young women who are single and pregnant and women who have had really tough lives (poor home situations growing up, drug abuse, physical abuse, criminal activities, etc). For many, we get them ready to take the test to get their GEDs, others we work with to get ready for community college or to enter the workforce. My speciality is math (apparently it is hard to find competent math tutors in this type of situation) although I will tutor in whatever subject is needed. I find that most of the young women believe that they can not do math; that they are bad at it. I try to instill in each girl that she can do it, that math doesn’t have to be hard. I love being a tutor. I love trying to think of one more way to explain a concept so that my student will “get it.” It feels amazing when you have been working with a student and then you see the light bulb go on in their head and they look at you and say “but that is so easy.” That is when I know that I am doing my job well. So, I think that I will probably tutor more often once both boys are in school.

I would also like to volunteer at my sons’ schools. It is appalling how little we give to our school systems. Obviously, I have an extensive background in computer programming. I could volunteer my time in a computer lab or even in the office doing all those little administrative things (like copying and filing, etc) that are needed to allow the teachers to spend their precious time teaching our kids.

I also have thought about doing freelance work or part time teaching at a community college. I could tutor in a variety of subjects, most probably in computer science or math. I could do freelance website design and upkeep. I have dabbled in real estate website design and that looks promising as more and more buyers and sellers are utilizing the web.

I would also like to design a beginning computer programming course. I have taken and TA’d my share of beginning and upper level programming courses and have experienced great courses and horrible courses. I would like to design a course template, complete with text (probably a web textbook) and course projects. I have found that the beginning level courses are the most lacking and yet contain the fundamentals upon which all future programming courses are based. We need to give our young students a good basis (sound programming practices as well as a basic knowledge of programming structures) from which they can advance and innovate. There have been too many incredibly bright students who have been turned off to programming because these first level courses are boring and inadequately taught. It isn’t glamorous to teach students how to use for loops. It isn’t groundbreaking research to write a program that outputs “Hello World” to the monitor. But why should our first level courses be composed of writing a five line program that outputs “Hello World”? We need to show our students what they can make a computer do. We can design projects that aren’t mind numbing, yet aren’t too complicated for the beginning programmer. We can design projects that will allow those who are truly interested to go farther and explore deeper while at the same time be appropriate for those who need a little more help or need a little more time to truly understand the power of programming. These are my goals for a course that I hope to be able to design once both my children are in school.

It's My Life

I'm starting this blog mainly to have a place to write down my thoughts about life and the things going on around me. There is no particular area that I plan on discussing. This isn't a cooking blog, or a decorating blog, or a kids blog. It will probably be a combination of all of these and much more. I'm not a great writer, so don't expect a great work of literature. These are just my thoughts on what is happening to me. It's my life. Enjoy!